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Author Topic: How should I go about attracting that one special guy?  (Read 1569 times)

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Offline BethanyJuliiette

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How should I go about attracting that one special guy?
« on: January 26, 2016, 03:49:56 AM »
Hey there!

I am so happy that I can finally make my own post, because as much as I have read all of the other "How to attract a specific person"-topics, I feel like they never really cover my specific situation, as in all the other threads that person is someone that that person has already been with and therefore internally knows that it is possible.
So here's my story. There is so much to it, that's why I decided to kind of give you a time line:
The guy, my subject of interest, is two years older than me and the story kind of starts when we were still in school. We didn't go to the same school, though, we met later on through a mutual hobby. He went to school in a completely different town and was friends with a girl for one year and then fell in love with her. The two became a couple and were together for one and a half years, then she broke up with him a few months before graduation, because she "didn't love him anymore". He was devastated because he really, REALLY loved this girl. He went out of his way for her. The things he did for her are the things that, if someone did for them for me, I'd stay with that person forever. He was treating her truly amazing. When she left him he tried to win her back several times but she just played with his heart, kissed him multiple times a couple of months after the relationship ended but never committed to him again. A year later, she has a new boyfriend and is perfectly happy with him, and this is where I come into the game. This guy and I meet though a mutual hobby. The group we're both in meets every week, and therefore we saw each other every week for two hours. I was the last one to join the group so there was definitely already some kind of group dynamic. At first I only talked to some girls but then eventually he caught my attention. I don't know what it was but there was something special about him. I approached him in a "Hey bro" kind of way and he started responding to that very positively and soon enough we would talk and he would tell me this story about him and his ex girlfriend and how he was still suffering and how that was the most painful thing he ever had to experience. I felt so sorry for him and we talked for hours about that, and finally - he hugged me and I felt like I was struck by lightening. I was very young and still in school at that time, so naturally I refused to accept my feelings for him - so they just grew exponentially. On a summer's day I decide to tell him my feelings because everyone else in our group was already saying "Are you two dating?" - "You should definitely ask him out or something, I've never seen such chemistry before." - "It seems like he's really into you, he never opened up to anyone that much. When you weren't in the group he never talked to anybody." - "There is so much chemistry between you guys.". I thought maybe they were right and just went for it and told him: "Please don't hate me, and this is the scariest thing that I ever said to somebody, but ..... I think I kinda love you." and he told me he was so sorry but he didn't feel the same way and was still mourning his ex (Later in autumn he told me his heart always stops when he meets her or anyone that looks just a bit like her). I started crying and he held me for three hours straight, comforting me and just... had me crying my heart out in his arms. He missed an important appointment that he had to go to because he didn't want to leave me alone crying. I feel like this thread is getting so long, I'm so sorry, I'm gonna rush: Out of that grew one of the most amazing friendships ever. We considered each other our best friend for one year and he told me that I was the person that knew the most about him, even more than his family. The friendship was the greatest thing in the world and looking back I should have appreciated it more, but the unrequited love was kind of always in the way of us being the best friends this universe has ever seen. One day I broke down in tears because I couldn't take the feelings that I could never fully express anymore and this is when we had our first kiss, which was my first kiss ever. We hugged each other for half an hour after it and when we walked through the city we held hands. From there it went downhill because it broke my heart a second time when he said that he still didn't love me. A few months later we fought daily. He went off to another city for a week and missed my birthday (he had asked me before if that was okay, I said yes because I didn't want to get in his way) and when he came back he was completely changed because something happened to him that time. He started to slip through my fingers like sand, he didn't text me cute things like "Love you" anymore (he never did that anymore to this day because "At the time when I wrote it I meant it, now I don't mean it anymore.") and we fought each and every day to the point that I yelled at him "WHERE IS THE OLD YOU?" and he ran off. Three days later he comes back crying (which is so not him. He never cries.) and tells me he doesn't want to lose me. I broke off contact a month or two after that because he changed.
We are now students at the same university and met each other coincidentially and started to hang out again, and all of that old trust was back immediately, although I kind of get the "I can't let my wall down completely anymore"-vibes from him and a certain type of "I'm very cautious about you"-thing. I trust him completely, and I know I can, it just kind of hurts that he can't. Yet it was always fun hanging with him.
I don't know, I'm just really conflicted. My feelings for him never stopped - how am I supposed to? I've loved him ever since I was a teenager.

So now that you know my background, I have the following questions (and I will be eternally thankful to anyone who can answer at least one of them):
1) Why does he say and do contradicting things? Like kissing me and holding me, then saying he doesn't love me, saying "You'll never be my girlfriend and I never missed you", then crying and telling me to come back because he needs me. Like why? What is his problem, and what does he mean? (And people say women are strange ..... oh well)
2) I still very much love him. How should I go about attracting him?
3) I tried to let go several times and tried to tell myself "Just attract someone who is infinitely in love with you and soo much better than him"... but I just can't seem to let go. How do I know that it's time to let go and how do I do it? Because I've tried everything and I'm a little bit lost.
4) How do I get rid of the jealousy that I have for his ex girlfriend? I really really dislike her because I feel like she had everything that I ever wanted and threw it away. I sometimes get so close to 'forgiving her' and loving her like everyone else in the universe, but then I meet her or she posts something on social media and here I go again.
5) If all else fails and I can't manage to attract him or someone better who makes me forget about him, how do I mend my broken heart and regain confidence? (I mean real confidence that doesn't fall apart the second I see him on campus)
6) I've read a thread about parallel universes and the Law of Attraction - how would I go about shifting universes and just kind of wake up in a parallel universe in which we are already together and his ex never existed or he's over his ex for good? How can I change my past and kind of delete all of the pain that I had to go through and create something entirely new that pleases me?

I think that should be it. If you read all of this and are still willing to answer, thank you so much!
I love you and in endless gratitude and love,
Bethany
PS: Sorry about my English, I'm not a native speaker.

Offline BethanyJuliiette

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Re: How should I go about attracting that one special guy?
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2016, 05:23:24 AM »
Hey Adam,

Thank you SO SO SO SO SO SO SO much!!! I can't even tell you how much I appreciate your answer and the fact that you took your time to read my extremely long text. Everything you said sounds perfectly logical, thank you soooo much.
I hope you're having an awesome day. :)

Offline Emmanuel

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Re: How should I go about attracting that one special guy?
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2016, 05:41:21 AM »
BethanyJuliette,

Welcome :)

The advice I would give you may go a little against the grain, but it is this:
What you're doing right now is focusing too much on the details. You're overthinking everything and it's causing you more grief. Believe me, I've been there, more than you can possibly know. It's totally fine and human, but the sooner you can stop dwelling on the past, the better. Instead, start raising your own vibration. Focus on yourself, on loving yourself as much as you love your guy. Also, we have a tendency to try to control and force things when we feel we need them to be a certain way for us to be happy. Once you can learn to be happy first, even without them going your way, that's the magical key to further abundance.

What would you do if fear wasn't there?

Now, what I'd like you to do is this.

Write yourself a script about everything you want to happen with your guy; visualise happy moments together; include all the sights and sounds and feelings and colours in as much detail as you can possibly imagine. If you can get into the feeling that you are already together, you've already won half the battle. The problem now is that you're in a place of scarcity thinking, not abundance thinking. Once your overall vibration shifts to one of having rather than needing/desperation, magic can start happening.

Focus on lifting yourself up. The details with your guy don't matter as much as you think they do. What matters is that you become unconditionally happy -- not all the time, that wouldn't be human, but the secret to having more is to be extremely grateful for what you have already. Have you tried gratitude journalling?



Finally, this is a familiar feeling to me:

Quote
I tried to let go several times and tried to tell myself "Just attract someone who is infinitely in love with you and soo much better than him"... but I just can't seem to let go. How do I know that it's time to let go and how do I do it? Because I've tried everything and I'm a little bit lost.


Letting go comes naturally; there's no point trying to force it before you're ready. The more you focus on yourself and your own happiness (that isn't dependent on him), the sooner you'll be in a place to attract him.



Love isn't always about the relationship. It is actually above and beyond that. But never try to force or change your feelings; start to watch them.
I know it probably feels like you can't live without your guy, and that's alright, in fact it's beautiful. At the same time, as soon as you realise that you don't need him to survive, the pressure will be taken off, and everything will magically fall into place.
The energy we emit when we feel we MUST have something is actually destructive: it is desperation, and it actually repels the very thing we want away from us. When you start to relax with the way things are, be vulnerable, you will realise that we crave security but that you can allow yourself to be in that place where everything is shifting and changing, and it won't defeat you.

Once you can allow yourself to be one with the shifting sands of the universe, suddenly you'll find that you're on firm ground again.
When you've reached that state, you can't lose anything any more.

Good luck.




Offline BethanyJuliiette

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Re: How should I go about attracting that one special guy?
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2016, 05:56:59 AM »
Wow, that reply was just amazing! It makes so much sense and it really evoked the very feeling of that unconditional love within me.
The tip about gratitude journaling reminded me to do that again, I used to do it but then I kind of got overwhelmed with all of the stress at university which is why I stopped, because I would usually sit for hours and write in my gratitude journal and lately I haven't been able to take that time. But I will as soon as possible. :)
Other than that I am beyond grateful for all of you nice people here. All so helpful and giving and loving, it inspires me very much.
The pictures and quotes you chose make perfect sense, thank you!
Sending much love your way! :)

Offline Travelgirl

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Re: How should I go about attracting that one special guy?
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2016, 07:41:24 AM »
Thanks Emanuel, that was a really good post! I really needed to hear that. The thing I struggle with is thinking first of myself in situations like that. I always tend to focus on the other person and does he like/think about me. But in the end that's not the point. The Universe reflects what we feel! So you reminded me of that! Thx

 

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