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Author Topic: confused , very confused, need kind of an advice on this issue  (Read 1622 times)

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Offline chaoticgood

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Hello, all just returned here after some while.. My recent story involving a girl.

Knew this girl for a while, we were friends but she was in relationship with a guy i was good with. they were going for the break up, she just didn't feel she can be in relationship anymore. so one night out it happened and we ended up together ( yeah i know what you gonna think), it just happened, i couldn't helped it. after some days later she told him what happened and they ended their rel. she felt, terrible, i felt terrible.. but also we started seeing each other regularly with some minor fights regarding the situation that i hurt this guy i was good with,and she also did.  i told him about it and we're ok now. I'm not proud of myself nor is she for doing this. The thing is now that she acts different day after day. we were seeing each other for almost 3 months, all great, amazing sex, although we didn't go out in public much.

so the problem is that i started to like that girl but it seems that she can't commit and says she wants to stay alone for a while and can't see us together.. the day before we have a great day, and then another she just go crazy.. i asked her thousands of time if it's just sex because i would not accept this, don't want to be a rebound guy or friend with benefits. she says it's more than that but she just can't, needs time alone.  my question would be, should i stay her friend , support her and trust her on that, or should just disappear.  I'm just so confused about it does she really needs time alone or it's just a nice way of telling go away.. One thing i'm sure of it's that she cares but she is not in love with me..

sorry if this sounds stupid, i'm not trolling, just wanted to hear your opinion or advice. will try to stay positive and hope for a good outcome in the future.

Offline ManifestWithArmine

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Re: confused , very confused, need kind of an advice on this issue
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2014, 02:31:20 PM »
chaoticgood:

You can't really exactly understand what this girl is thinking.  There are things she won't even understand herself, because much of what we think is subconscious.  Luckily, you don't have to know.  You can care for her and have the possibility for a good relationship without worrying why she needs time.  I suggest you certainly give her the space.  You can be a friend but keep yourself busy with other things.  This in itself is supportive.  I don't think it is necessary for you to be her shoulder to lean on right now, and giving her space will allow her to recenter with her true self and from there, decide what she wants.  This is much better than being "there" right now.  She needs herself more than anyone else before she can make a choice that will serve herself, and even you, in the best way.

Also, if you have a strong physical relationship, then casually seeing each other during this time might not work, as it will lead to only that.  If she wants time, then it might be a good idea to hold off the physical relationship as well. 

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