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Author Topic: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person  (Read 3279 times)

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Offline hanajeong

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I dont know if this is the right place to post it but here goes...

You are waiting for your ex/ specific person to get back with you, But then you get to know that he / she has been sleeping with someone else meanwhile. Do you still want them back?

Not being judgmental or anything, just curious.

I have been reading that unconditional love means not caring if such things happen. I am confused as I am a highly possessive person, and I do care/ it does matter to me. 

I am asking as I am trying to evaluate if I am being too rigid / expecting too much from my relationships.
Awesomeness

Offline waterfall

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #1 on: April 07, 2014, 05:54:07 PM »
Your rigidness stems from your beliefs about certain things.

You need to dig into your belief system. You look at any celebs couples. They don't care if some has slept before with someone. That's because their belief system is different.

The real question to answer is, why do you think if them sleeping with some is bad ? Haven't you slept with someone ? And you still want people to love you ?

Also, what if this person comes to you after the event and is for ever with you, will you hold it against him or her ?

As I have said before, don't get caught in events and society morals. Dig deep to find what's going on within you. LOA is about self evolution, not getting things. GETTING THINGS is just the by product.

Offline kazoo

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #2 on: April 07, 2014, 06:15:28 PM »
You are not REQUIRED to try to get this person.  If something happens or you learn something that changes your feelings about them and you no longer want them in the same way, wish them well and move on.

Unconditional love doesn't mean desiring them to be your partner forever.  If that desire changes for whatever reason just wish them well, wish them peace, love and happiness and then go about your own path on your journey.

Only you can decide if them being with someone else is something that is a dealbreaker for you.  It's your life, your feelings, your morals etc.  Everyone has to figure out what feels right for them. 

Waterfall, I know from your posts that you don't put much value in monogamy etc., but most of us do.  I don't think it's because it's what society tells us is right, it's a basic human desire for most of us.  If folks out there are in to open relationships etc. I'm not judging.  Everyone has to do what's right for them and as long as everyone is honest and aren't trying to hurt others I have no problem with what people do with their lives.  But I really don't see wanting monogamy as being "rigid".  It's just the way most of us are wired and we shouldn't feel bad because we don't want to share the person we love with someone else.

Offline waterfall

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #3 on: April 07, 2014, 06:20:43 PM »
@Kazoo.....I don't judge anything. What I do is encourage people to look beyond their beliefs. Not necessarily follow them.

The word "rigid" was used because that's what was used by OP. Its better for reference. I do not mean to say its bad. Sorry if it means that.


Offline kazoo

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #4 on: April 07, 2014, 06:29:35 PM »
Thanks for the explanation waterfall.

While I think expecting an ex to not date or look for companionship after a breakup is probably not realistic, only the person who is looking to attract them back can decide if the knowledge that they were with someone else is enough to change their desire to get them back.

I think sometimes we learn this stuff when we need to, and sometimes it's what's required to get us to move on.  Again, only the individual knows for sure and we all have to do what is right for us which may be something completely different from what is right for someone else.


Offline waterfall

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #5 on: April 07, 2014, 06:34:18 PM »
You are correct.

But sometimes its a good habit to challenge your own belief systems.

I might be wrong here, but you cannot change unless your belief system changes. And a belief system changes only when you go deep inside and challenge it. What triggers that "going deep inside" varies from people to people. But that is what is needed.

Remember, Without change, There would be no Butterflies !!

Offline hanajeong

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #6 on: April 07, 2014, 08:14:09 PM »
I think I didnt word that right. I am not talking about virginity.

As long as he isnt in a relationship with me, i dont really care.
If I want/love someone, if he is already in a relationship with me. Or says he is intersted and then does something that goes against what he said.

Oh crap. I dont know how to explain this.

Offline hanajeong

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #7 on: April 07, 2014, 08:17:45 PM »
@Kazoo
Thank you. I believe you understood what I was trying to put across.

Offline Maverick

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #8 on: April 08, 2014, 12:50:47 AM »
I dont know if this is the right place to post it but here goes...

You are waiting for your ex/ specific person to get back with you, But then you get to know that he / she has been sleeping with someone else meanwhile. Do you still want them back?

Not being judgmental or anything, just curious.

I have been reading that unconditional love means not caring if such things happen. I am confused as I am a highly possessive person, and I do care/ it does matter to me. 

I am asking as I am trying to evaluate if I am being too rigid / expecting too much from my relationships.

Stop watching hollywood romantic movies and fictional novels based on unrealistic expectations. :)

For me, as far as I am concerned, the activity "sex" is just a piece of flesh going into another piece of flesh and some biological liquids flow, yeah, as fucked up as it sounds.

Its not the physical activity thats valuable to me. Whats value to me is do I have emotional connection while doing it. Am I feeling good about myself and am I making my partner feel good about herself. At which stage, whether she has slept with someone before or is she gonna sleep with someone else in the future is IRRELEVANT.
Am I feeling good with her? Yes. DONE
Am I not feeling good with her? YES. NEXT, Don't care.

IMHO, the whole concept of "purity" is bullshit as long as you take shower everyday and don't stink :p

Offline Mr Brightside

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #9 on: April 08, 2014, 01:01:31 AM »
^ I would highly doubt you wouldn’t care if your wife was banging another dude. But I see the point you are making, although a little ridiculous.

To address the original question, at the end of the day you have to ask yourself how much are you able to live with. Are you able to forgive and forget and move past that when you two are together again? If the answer is no, then you might as well move on.

Trust me I know lots of people who had a break, slept around, got back together… and those in-between relationships ruined it for them. They ended up breaking up again, permanently.

Also unconditional love doesn’t mean you get treated like shit and just don’t care. What if the other person would beat you, or cheat on you, or do other horrible things…. Are you suppose to just pretend it doesn’t bother you otherwise you would be “shallow”. No of course not, you deserve to be happy and to have someone who treats you like a queen.

Put yourself first, if you are able to forgive him.. then do it.. but do it completely.

Offline Maverick

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #10 on: April 08, 2014, 01:08:15 AM »
^ I would highly doubt you wouldn’t care if your wife was banging another dude. But I see the point you are making, although a little ridiculous.

To address the original question, at the end of the day you have to ask yourself how much are you able to live with. Are you able to forgive and forget and move past that when you two are together again? If the answer is no, then you might as well move on.

Trust me I know lots of people who had a break, slept around, got back together… and those in-between relationships ruined it for them. They ended up breaking up again, permanently.

Also unconditional love doesn’t mean you get treated like shit and just don’t care. What if the other person would beat you, or cheat on you, or do other horrible things…. Are you suppose to just pretend it doesn’t bother you otherwise you would be “shallow”. No of course not, you deserve to be happy and to have someone who treats you like a queen.

Put yourself first, if you are able to forgive him.. then do it.. but do it completely.


I see where you are coming from.
Never thought of it that way. At this stage in my life, I am not ready to settle down.

And its far out of my reality to believe that committed one on one relationship is the only way to love someone!
I am more of open relationship kind of person.

Am I going to be like this forever? Who knows? Even I don't. Until then, keep moving forward.

Offline hanajeong

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #11 on: April 08, 2014, 02:17:00 PM »
^ I would highly doubt you wouldn’t care if your wife was banging another dude. But I see the point you are making, although a little ridiculous.

To address the original question, at the end of the day you have to ask yourself how much are you able to live with. Are you able to forgive and forget and move past that when you two are together again? If the answer is no, then you might as well move on.

Trust me I know lots of people who had a break, slept around, got back together… and those in-between relationships ruined it for them. They ended up breaking up again, permanently.

Also unconditional love doesn’t mean you get treated like shit and just don’t care. What if the other person would beat you, or cheat on you, or do other horrible things…. Are you suppose to just pretend it doesn’t bother you otherwise you would be “shallow”. No of course not, you deserve to be happy and to have someone who treats you like a queen.

Put yourself first, if you are able to forgive him.. then do it.. but do it completely.


Thank you Mr. Brightside,
Exactly what I have been struggling with.

Offline Athena

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #12 on: April 08, 2014, 08:45:40 PM »
I have slept with other people so although I'm not thrilled about the idea that he has well, fair enough!

I still would love to sleep with him ha ha!

No, it doesn't bother me at all, but that's me.  It's not a deal breaker for me at all.

Now, when my ex seemed to be on a date and my friend said "You know they are probably going to have sex tonight" i wanted to SLAP him!

But the idea of him having sex with other people and later on coming back to me, bothers me not.


Offline Priyanka121

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Re: feelings about ex/ specific person sleeping with another person
« Reply #13 on: April 26, 2014, 08:50:13 PM »
Well....I know my person is seeing someone....claims is nothing,its just something fun. I know he is sleeping around. Ill be honest,it makes me jealous. But,I would still accept him with open arms. I love enough to accept all his flaws...no matter what they are.

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