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Offline betterday

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Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« on: August 30, 2018, 09:02:58 PM »
Hello All,

This is my first post on this forum, so would like to say thank you for having me here :)

So... I've been familiar with the concept of law of attraction for quite a while now, although I've really started to use it efficiently only last year. Long story short, last April I went to the therapy due to a very low esteem. I read tons of books, found about the concept of affirmations, dedicated myself to work on myself and basically changed my life upside down because of that (for good!). I can now certainly say that I do love, appreciate and take care of myself, and am not looking for anyone's approval in order to make myself feel better.

So... When it comes to the relationships.

I've never had much luck with guys. To be honest, I've never had a boyfriend up to this point, and I'm a 25 year old girl. I "dated" a lot of guys meaning that I would either meet with someone couple of times, or I would have a "friends-with-benefits" relationship just to have a feeling of "being loved" at least for a while. I can't really blame the guys from the past for not really wanting to be with me either - I was really needy, got attached really really quickly, and basically I was like this "overly-attached" meme girl. But I've changed. Right now I'm not too obsessed about having a boyfriend either, however I can't deny that it would be nice to have someone.

Most recent example... I met this guy via dating app, and it was going great, but after some time (not too long though) he admitted he wasn't over his ex girlfriend yet, and he cannot start a relationship with me. Was I devastated after that? No. I was sorry for a minute, as it was going pretty good, but I was able to let go and get over it really quickly.

My question is - what am I doing wrong? I thought that since my mindset is really really good, I would be able to attract someone good too, and it seems like I keep attracting men that are emotionally unstable, and not really ready to commit to anything more serious.

I tried to talk to my subconcious (hahah, I know how it sounds, but I really managed to get on well with her), and figure out if there is still something that I need to work on with myself, because maybe I'm still not as well as I'm thinking I am, but it doesn't seem to be it. I also sometimes get a feeling that maybe this is some way of the Universe testing me if I actually am as well as I claim to be? I quite honestly don't know at this point.

Has anyone had a similiar experience? Any thoughts and advices will be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance, and lots of love and light to all of you! xx

Online siamesegirl

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2018, 09:21:11 PM »
Just to pick up on a point you made: Why, I wonder, did the guy join a dating app when he reckons he's not over his ex? It's not fair on anyone.

He could be using that as a get out clause when he doesn't want to see people again. I'm meeting my friend this evening who has met some real losers on her dating app. It's a bit of a lottery I guess.

Offline betterday

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #2 on: August 30, 2018, 10:17:10 PM »
I know, it's totally unfair, as I didn't sign up to be anyone's shoulder to cry on or a distraction - I told him that too.
But that wasn't the point, I honestly don't care about that guy as a boyfriend or friend material at all at this point.

My point is - I clearly told the Universe that I would like to find a relationship. I'm not obsessed nor desperate about it, but I definitely am ready to have this component in my life. But I keep attracting the wrong kind of people! Even my friends noticed that every guy I meet turns out to be a total failure (relationship wise). I know that every relationship is supposed to teach us something, but like man... how long can the teaching process last? :D

Offline flower2

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2018, 10:29:47 PM »
Hii,

I think the thing that's stopping you here is that you are so focused on that thing - you think you can't attract anyone who wants to be with you. I think that you shoud stop thinking about men and relationships in general. Quit that dating site and go do things you like. From my personal experience, when you don't need anyone, and when you start feeling so good with yourself that you don't even want a relationship anymore, that's when someone special will come. And he'll come so smoothly, that you will not even need to "work hard" or try hard to get him. I think we all put romantic relationships before so many other things in life (and I'm no better haha) and that becomes our main focus and we sometimes lose ourselves. Do you, don't think about having a relationship or guys, this is the best way to find what you want. You really don't need to have anyone. And the thing that you didn't have a boyfriend earlier is irrelevant for anything. It's not a rule to have a boyfriend or to have him to a certain age. Don't let that into your mind at all. I truly think that boyfriends and girlfriends are just a result of doing your own thing and not giving a fuck about having a relationship. Being truly happy with yourself. That's how it happened to me. Stop searching, relax, it will come. 
 ;D

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Online siamesegirl

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #4 on: September 02, 2018, 04:20:40 PM »
How are you getting on OP?

Offline betterday

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #5 on: September 03, 2018, 12:30:42 AM »
Hii,

I think the thing that's stopping you here is that you are so focused on that thing - you think you can't attract anyone who wants to be with you. I think that you shoud stop thinking about men and relationships in general. Quit that dating site and go do things you like. From my personal experience, when you don't need anyone, and when you start feeling so good with yourself that you don't even want a relationship anymore, that's when someone special will come. And he'll come so smoothly, that you will not even need to "work hard" or try hard to get him. I think we all put romantic relationships before so many other things in life (and I'm no better haha) and that becomes our main focus and we sometimes lose ourselves. Do you, don't think about having a relationship or guys, this is the best way to find what you want. You really don't need to have anyone. And the thing that you didn't have a boyfriend earlier is irrelevant for anything. It's not a rule to have a boyfriend or to have him to a certain age. Don't let that into your mind at all. I truly think that boyfriends and girlfriends are just a result of doing your own thing and not giving a fuck about having a relationship. Being truly happy with yourself. That's how it happened to me. Stop searching, relax, it will come. 
 ;D


Hi! Thank you so much for the response :)

That's the thing though - I really did get to the point when I don't need anyone to make me happy - because I'm happy by myself too. I know that with me being on dating apps sound pretty contrary, but I really am! I don't base my happiness on being in a relationship anymore, as if there is one thing I learnt from all my therpy, and books is that the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. It's not that I desperately want to be with someone, but it really got me thinking.

Maybe you're right about the thinking I'm only attracting wrong people mindset. Maybe this is what I need to start working on. I did leave this dating app, and am going to put even more focus on myself and my interests.

Offline JulieDB

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2018, 02:59:12 PM »
My standard reply to anyone. Self love. Fill yourself with that. You won't have to try to attract. They'll flock to you. Now if you want someone that is close to perfect for you (because I think no one is perfect), make a list of the traits you want in a man and focus on that.

Offline Superman

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2018, 03:10:11 PM »
Hello All,

This is my first post on this forum, so would like to say thank you for having me here :)

So... I've been familiar with the concept of law of attraction for quite a while now, although I've really started to use it efficiently only last year. Long story short, last April I went to the therapy due to a very low esteem. I read tons of books, found about the concept of affirmations, dedicated myself to work on myself and basically changed my life upside down because of that (for good!). I can now certainly say that I do love, appreciate and take care of myself, and am not looking for anyone's approval in order to make myself feel better.

So... When it comes to the relationships.

I've never had much luck with guys. To be honest, I've never had a boyfriend up to this point, and I'm a 25 year old girl. I "dated" a lot of guys meaning that I would either meet with someone couple of times, or I would have a "friends-with-benefits" relationship just to have a feeling of "being loved" at least for a while. I can't really blame the guys from the past for not really wanting to be with me either - I was really needy, got attached really really quickly, and basically I was like this "overly-attached" meme girl. But I've changed. Right now I'm not too obsessed about having a boyfriend either, however I can't deny that it would be nice to have someone.

Most recent example... I met this guy via dating app, and it was going great, but after some time (not too long though) he admitted he wasn't over his ex girlfriend yet, and he cannot start a relationship with me. Was I devastated after that? No. I was sorry for a minute, as it was going pretty good, but I was able to let go and get over it really quickly.

My question is - what am I doing wrong? I thought that since my mindset is really really good, I would be able to attract someone good too, and it seems like I keep attracting men that are emotionally unstable, and not really ready to commit to anything more serious.

I tried to talk to my subconcious (hahah, I know how it sounds, but I really managed to get on well with her), and figure out if there is still something that I need to work on with myself, because maybe I'm still not as well as I'm thinking I am, but it doesn't seem to be it. I also sometimes get a feeling that maybe this is some way of the Universe testing me if I actually am as well as I claim to be? I quite honestly don't know at this point.

Has anyone had a similiar experience? Any thoughts and advices will be much appreciated.

Thank you in advance, and lots of love and light to all of you! xx


If you seek relationships or love without having a good image of yourself and your life it may be difficult to find. To find a good relationship you have to create a YOU that is very loving and caring not only to someone you love but above all toward yourself. The relationships you attract have everything to do with your self love, self esteem, your beliefs about you, relationships and men... You cannot seek a relationship to escape from the responsability you must have for you and your own life. No relationship will make you happy if you aren't happy yourself. So try to build a relationship with yourself that is very very positive, happy, healthy, uplifiting... Treat yourself as you want to be treated by men... Build positive beliefs about men and relationships... Feel loved and feel worthy of it. Expect everything from you and nothing from someone else.
In brief: YOUR RELATIONSHIPS REFLECT YOU.

Offline Good

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Re: Why am I not able to attract a successful relationship
« Reply #8 on: November 23, 2018, 09:47:27 PM »
Have a question for "In brief: YOUR RELATIONSHIPS REFLECT YOU" so its between 2 people, right...so does it reflect both or only one person and if one then which one?

Tags: relationship love 
 

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