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Author Topic: I need advice. PLEASE  (Read 837 times)

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Offline BULLDAWG_37

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I need advice. PLEASE
« on: August 03, 2018, 08:40:49 PM »
Hello,

My Girlfriend of 5 years left me the day after fathers day. We owned a house together. I had to finance it due to her credit but her and the kids had picked it out.  We were in counseling and working on communication issues. She was the one who paid the bills, not with her money but our money, due to me working out of the city we lived in. I took over the money and found that the bills were all past due. We had planned our wedding and i had a 100 year old family ring ready to give to her. The first of the year she stated that I had anger issues. I explained that I was not angry but stressed due to bringing my job home. I know I should not have done that. She had told her parents. I worked through it and things got better, but due to her telling her parents I was not comfortable asking for her hand and I explained that to her. She has two children that are 12 and 10. I have been in their lives for the last 5 years. I never got mad at them or her, excpept in usual couple ways. I noticed on mothers day that, when i suprised her on a mini trip to a vineyard, That she was no longer tagging me in facebook post. I noticed she started to pull away. I thought things got better with counseling. Fathers day she came down stairs, kissed me, and told me "happy fathers day". The next day without a fight she left and moved into her parents house. She cut all communication blocked me on social media, changed her number, and her father has been the go between for the break up. I continued counseling and was advised to read qutoes and post them and reread them. I noticed that she followed me on this site. I set all my post to private. She instantly blocked me. The only way she would know they were private is if she looked at my profile. I talked to her dad on July 6th and he contacted me on the 27th and stated the "I havent heard from you in a while". I was to the point during the conversation. She then started posting things directed at me. My friends let me know because of some negative things she had said when she first left that could effect my career. Now I have found out that she has reached out to my friends and wants to explain to them why she left. She has not told me why. My friend ask her if she has talked to me and she stated she hasn't and does not want to. I go out, I am working out, and I am living my life. I have not tried to contact her since she left. Every week it seems that something is done by her to get my attention. I don't respond. What is she doing?

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2018, 01:07:26 AM »
What is she doing? Acting as if she is 14. What sort of communication have you had over the years for her to suddenly stop communication like an adult? How have you acted with her?

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Offline TheLittleBat

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2018, 05:14:41 AM »
She sounds crazy :o Cut this woman off, man. I don't even think she's worth doing LOA on.

Offline AngelusofftheSea

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2018, 06:32:35 AM »
Bulldawg,

I see you got some questions and good advice. I have hesitated all day to answer this, but I feel if you are led to there is a reason.

I understand you have posted on a LOA board, very rarely do I not give LOA advice, but in order to give it I feel you need to know what you are possibly up against.

So, if you want to do LOA, you work on yourself ( which you have, you have a good job, career, had a new family, and are responsible with money. Is all perfect? No, but that is life) You are on track. You can see her loving you again, back and all working out as your end result in a great relationship or marriage. See you are worthy of love and respect.

Now from a non LOA answer you have not asked, and if you say so I will delete this part. I truly think if you are looking for answers to know what you are dealing with, and what to change with change your thoughts, change your world, LOA or it's various methods or tools.

Look into DX: Borderline or borderline/ narcissist. If looking for answers there is boards that can help, books, research or counseling. There is a criteria and she meets some. Again it would take a professional diagnosis many, won't go in for. This is not a DX or medical advice. Seek professional advice if needed.

The hard time with money, triangulation, immaturity, being able to cut off or walk out etc. This doesn't mean all who do that are one, or she is.

Most come back. So what some would see on a LOA board,  as an ex coming back after a 1, 5, 10 if they have this is their LOA or methods worked. To have person walk out again, as they couldn't hold the vibration or thoughts etc.

What a borderline board and many whose family and friends see is a hover. Meaning they walk out, cause drama at your work, wreck finances, triangulate with your friends, family or other partners. Then when bored or dumped from other relationship or upset they come back as if nothing happened.

If by chance she has this could you see it not so? Yes, change your thoughts and see a wonderful, loving, loyal wife, healthy and good with finances. Yes. But in mean time while you are doing LOA, or methods if she does other things you have ramifications you need to deal with for your job as you said, credit and life.

She didn't like that you took back finances, as she was not responsible. Many borderlines etc act like children and treat spouses or partners as parents, but then don't like boundaries.

As researchers we see both methods used where on a Borderline board they are healing and move on from the hover as they don't want same problem back.

On LOA people might bring person back, not to say they have or any here have as you can't DX etc. Just giving you something to think about. If perhaps any had that maybe partner changed it all with LOA, or saw the person healthy, wonderful, learned what they needed to learn. Either way....

You would have to see her not triangulating anymore, calling family and friends, being good with money etc and she would have to be willing to pick up those vibrations and align with it. She would have to be willing to give, and take, accept responsibility and if you can see her doing all that with no doubts etc with faith than ....

As seems you decided you did all you could, tried to explain about stress at work, made fun outings, showed love, bought a home, tried to be a parent to the kids. In mean time your vibration is now much higher then hers, responsibility wise, what you want back and she no longer met that even if she is the one to leave.

Will she be back, yes more than likely when it is no longer fun to paint you as bad guy, new relationship calls her out, her family is tired of being go between. Or you use LOA and change it all, or perhaps she hovers again.

It will depend on how much you want to put your life on hold, not dating, having her interfere with friends, family and possible work. Answering to her dad.

With borderlines or narcissists you can become the enemy and never know why, and they will continue to hassle, destroy or even discard you telling others things to take away your support. Due to playing victim well, they are good at being believable for awhile. You would have to see from family and friend perspectives if so inclined in research, I can't say.

So if you want to see the above as not a possible DX, or those problems then only see the good in her, and don't examine other. See that all is great. Either way you need to at least dx the problem and find a solution so you know all you will have to see as great.

You have power to create your best life to change things in a heartbeat. Meaning you can use your power to find a woman that wants a beautiful home, family and values your hard work, willing to communicate and not need a third party, drama or games. You can see her with kids or having your own, a new promotion, trips or whatever you want.

 You can see a new relationship with her, but will take her open to receive these thoughts as well and align. Up to you.

If none of this and  you just want to see whatever you did to draw this take 100% responsibility and see her different, mature, good with money and communication, great. See her loving you etc as friends and you both go your way in peace.

ETA: DX Dx: Medical abbreviation for diagnosis.( Medical dictionary, google, medicine net etc)
« Last Edit: August 04, 2018, 02:55:55 PM by AngelusofftheSea »

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Offline BULLDAWG_37

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2018, 09:46:11 AM »
Thank you for the advice. To clarify about our communication, she is very nonconfrontational to the point of not even telling me what changes need to be made in the relationship. For example..... when asked what is wrong she said "a lot of little things" when asked for examples she responded with "I don't know any examples off the top of my head"
As for the cutting me off, she reached out to a friends fiancee and asked if "our group" hated her. She then told her she wanted to reach out to my best friend and his wife to explain what is going on but stated she is scared of what I told them. I have not said one bad thing about her to anyone. Not my style. Also she is 37 years old.

Offline AngelusofftheSea

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2018, 10:03:36 AM »
Depending on how you want to handle it and what you want to see. If you want to see her valuing you, giving you things that bother her and ways to solve it. See the end result of you dating, having fun, enjoying the home, and relationship you want you can.

If you delve into the above you will see there is many types, they never can give you what is wrong as it changes daily, they gaslight. It is like throwing jello against the wall and hoping it sticks.  It is always someone elses fault, they can't ever do one on one so they will triangulate friends, family, drama, or drag others into, when they need to up the drama or excitement. They need coddled, entertained and they control. Depending on which type is how they do it.

Either way if you can see her being able to communicate, deal with the problems without adding Dad, your friends and her 'worries' about looking bad. Being able to now deal with money, ( because no matter what she will want more they are never satisfied, more material, more money, more control even if done innocently). If again that type, if not and she is lovely and just misguided ignore.

If none of the above applies and she is just upset, a lovely woman, and will now start communicating, not involving others, starting dramas, even if small, handle money, respect you enough to value your hard work, money for home, little gifts and trips, enough to work on it. Once the gaslighting, victim, drama stage gets old to many they move past the person unless the person is willing to grow.

You moved on to a point, meaning not talking about her, going out, and doing life. That is not acceptable for some they need the focus and drama, victim mentality back on them. So innocent, cunning or mean they will do that any way necessary.

Again if not her at all ignore, see her great, being great, loving, communication, with real answers and solutions, no drama, no triangulation. At 37 with no abuse involved she should be able to give you direct things that are bothering without the need for Dad, your friends, your groups approval or possible problems for your work as you stated from friends in above. It doesn't mean you might not both have to try, grow, learn, start a new relationship, have fun again or get counseling or talk. Either way will take two.

 Work it all out, change your thoughts change your world, and see her back. Just don't be delusional if she keeps up, as you can do anything with LOA, but the person still has to be willing to accept those thoughts, and follow through.


If you are here for LOA, then see all good, it all working out, and her being back and loving. Each day take time to see her loving, respecting, and wanting back. See the end result, see good communication. Read up on LOA, and I wish you well.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2018, 01:16:36 PM by AngelusofftheSea »

Offline AngelusofftheSea

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2018, 01:06:07 PM »
If you want strictly LOA.

Look into the mirror and reach your essence tell it your goal. Do this nightly before bed. It is simply a method ( Joseph Murphy) or Claude. Read Joseph Murphy

Or seen end result of her loving you, communication, having fun and back together. Have no doubts only faith. ( Read Neville)

I have a post on Your power, your world,  harmony see if that resonates.

Read up on LOA. Have faith and no doubts. Ask, believe and receive.

Either way if any of it resonates above posts or now, research, and go the path you need.

Since you are secure, your energy not scattered, confident, and if you want then do LOA.

Then see with no doubts her coming back, healthy, normal and you NOT accepting anything less then the best in communication, respect, love, integrity and a good relationship. See the end result. Give her the gift of love and forgiveness for whatever your part was and detach. Seeing her send the love back and wanting you and only you. Give her now the gift of absence, she doesn't deserve your presence or conversation right now in drama, disharmony or involving to others. Be firm in that energy to the universe and her as well as conversations.  None is coming from fear, lack, negativity or to hurt.

It is to honor yourself and what you need and want in a relationship. If this resonates do it. Or find the methods that do.

Let go, not of your desire but to control or be controlled by her. See only love, harmony, and respect. See fun dates and scenes. If that resonates. Detach while going on and she will be back. If not and she doesn't align or vibrate to, ( tired and simply just putting for you now) then a better relationship will come that is the law.

This is not negative but sometimes when we outgrow relationships, they are no longer harmonious, or using types people still crave the memories. You can chose to be like you are still going out with friends, working and enjoying life. You chose happiness with or  without her and if she doesn't align or come back, you will draw more love, confidence etc as that is where you are at, vibrating to and attracting. Likes attract likes. So no fear, of the future. All is good as you hold the answers and power. Look within for your answers. 

why? You will have no doubts, you have faith and will not waver. If you can't do that, or you feel you outgrew relationship, it no longer serves you, or is one sided then release it and move on.

The ones that are needy, lacking, looking for outside validation, putting down ex's , in low vibration or putting down others will manifest of course all do. But not they way that is lasting, their highest good etc. They get mad methods don't work it is for lack of faith or they are too busy paying attention to negative the is what will show up in their energy or aura. Be past all that. Look within see your power, and outer results. What you don't like change. It can be done, it will be done, how fast or what way depends on you living in the Now. Don't see past or her coming back someday. See it in the now, or move on.

Either way you need to use your power to create your perfect life, career, home life and relationship. With her or without. If you move on for you, define exactly what you are looking for and give it over for the Universe, your power, co creating, GOD whatever you believe to bring in the way it will.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2018, 01:20:37 PM by AngelusofftheSea »

Offline siamesegirl

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2018, 02:17:18 PM »
What's DX? In the UK, DX is a parcel delivery company!

Offline BULLDAWG_37

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #8 on: August 06, 2018, 07:47:56 PM »
Ok I have an update.

The friend she had contacted invited me over yesterday. She showed me that my EX changed her tone in the conversation when she found out I had spoke to them. Ex is now angry, hurtful, and just mean about me. She had stated that she did not think I wanted to marry her but as soon as she found out i had contact with them stated that "if I had asked she did not know if she would have said YES". I know she is doing this because she thinks that I am going to see the messages. Why is she still angry after 2 months? She even made a comment about a birthday dinner I attended that I had out on my FB. She has blocked me and would not see it unless she was spying. Also a friend told me that she has left all of the FB post talking about how I was amazing and the best boyfriend ever on my FB wall. I cant see them to remove them but everyone else can. She also has pictures of the house we bought on her FB with all of the renovations that we did. Is she holding on?

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #9 on: August 06, 2018, 08:19:14 PM »
Ok I have an update.

The friend she had contacted invited me over yesterday. She showed me that my EX changed her tone in the conversation when she found out I had spoke to them. Ex is now angry, hurtful, and just mean about me. She had stated that she did not think I wanted to marry her but as soon as she found out i had contact with them stated that "if I had asked she did not know if she would have said YES". I know she is doing this because she thinks that I am going to see the messages. Why is she still angry after 2 months? She even made a comment about a birthday dinner I attended that I had out on my FB. She has blocked me and would not see it unless she was spying. Also a friend told me that she has left all of the FB post talking about how I was amazing and the best boyfriend ever on my FB wall. I cant see them to remove them but everyone else can. She also has pictures of the house we bought on her FB with all of the renovations that we did. Is she holding on?

Have you read the two lengthy replies Angelus has written to you? Read those first and then think about it.

Offline BULLDAWG_37

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Re: I need advice. PLEASE
« Reply #10 on: August 06, 2018, 09:28:08 PM »
I got it. Thanks.

She really can be a great person. This breaks my heart.

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