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Author Topic: Help with manifesting a healthier family situation  (Read 308 times)

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Offline Kyano Kyma

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Help with manifesting a healthier family situation
« on: June 24, 2018, 03:14:33 PM »
I am interested in any advice that might prove of help in helping me and my child finally live a life free of psychological abuse and so much negative energy. This has been a constant of our lives throughout the last 9 years because of my husband and father of my only child. I am past the point of losing all hope that he will ever be the husband and father we need him to be and I can't help but feel like I've spent in vain all these years waiting for him to understand that he needs to change just because he is my daughter's real dad and almost everybody told me that it's best for a child to grow near their real father. 
To make myself clearer, his is a more subtle brand of abuse that people outside of this family don't easily see. The usuals people ask about when 'abuse' or 'neglect' from a parent is mentioned are: is he physically violent, does he keep money away from his wife/children, does he cheat. I can say NO to these, not until now at least (I'm not so sure about the not cheating part, but I honestly don't even care anymore). However, it's still abuse and neglect when he shouts insults and disrespects both of us anytime he is tired, stressed, even bored (which comes easily to him), only acts nicely towards me or his child when we do what he tells us to, shows zero interest or attention for what we like, or openly criticizes and calls 'stupid' anything he doesn't agree with. He does nothing positive for his health (no care for what he eats, no exercise, not to mention he won't even hear about going to counseling) but he still tells us to shut up anytime we even tried to point it out to him. What gets me the most is that he usually has no patience with our daughter and is verbally abusive to us both even when she complains about health issues.
It's almost as if he hates spending time with us but feels like he's bound by some moral duty to stay in this situation, even if he'll be and act miserable for the rest of his life... It's his choice and I don't really care but I can't help feel that something is very wrong whenever my daughter tells me that she wants to spend time just with me and that she can't stand her father... And I can't help but feel afraid that she will grow up and go into abusive relationships herself because that's what she got used to when growing up...
Of course I want the best for my daughter, I dream of a father that she can adore, see as the best example of what a man should be, someone who would love spending time with her, be interested in her passions, give her gifts that he knows she'd like, talk to her from the heart instead of criticising and preaching to her... I wouldn't even think of another husband for myself unless he had all the qualities mentioned above.
Even if that would not be for us, I wish to at least manifest a polite, mature separation from my husband, that would be in the best interest of my child, but that seems highly unlikely right , as my husband is sure that if we ever divorced, he'd move to another country and start a new family for himself as he would not stand to see me dating another man...
Can you offer some advice on how to manifest any change for the better and not let this toxic, negative type of situation continue for much longer?

« Last Edit: June 24, 2018, 03:19:19 PM by Kyano Kyma »

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