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Topics - siamesegirl

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Joined new this morning hoping for help.  Story in a nutshell - 5 years ago last week I met Ryan in 2006.  Instant attraction, but an age difference (me older) and both in relationships (his was not serious neither were the ones he had subsequently) we became really good friends with a very strong attraction to each other, went out a few times, he came to my house, we talked a lot on email and text and grew close and fancied each other.  I loved him but never told him as I was too scared.  Nothing physical happened between us other than hugging, out of fear I think.  He went away to University in 2009 and as I think he was unable to handle how I felt, or how he did, he backed off before that and then so did I, and we had no contact again until a year ago, just email telling him my cat (he had met the cat) had died.  Contact resumed then but I have again backed off out of fear.

Thing is that I always thought that we would make contact again after he left but I also knew that would be in the future when he had changed and so had I, did not put a timeframe on it.  I was prepared for it to be WAY into the future.  I was quite needy when we were seeing each other, and now I am not.  Have found out though through Facebook - which I am not on but a friend is, that he is living with a girl; he has never lived with a woman before other than his mother!  Something deep inside me tells me that she is not "the one" and this is not a permanent relationship but a "for now" one.  Something also tells me I am right and this is not just my wishful thinking.  Must make clear that I have no desire to harm this woman whatsoever.  When the time is right for that relationship to end, I believe it will.  I try to stop myself thinking of them together.

What do I do now?  What I want is to resume contact with him, keep it going, meet up with him some time in the future when the time is right, and sort out how we felt/did feel about each other and see what is still there.  Never stopped loving him but I have not put life on hold, have got on with everything normally and things are OK.  Obviously he has changed remarkably in the time he has been at university, he has moved 200 miles away, and I've changed too - for the better in a lot of ways.

Thanks for some help and insight everyone.  xx

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