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Author Topic: Struggle to accept ex dating update  (Read 1871 times)

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Offline JulieDB

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #15 on: January 22, 2018, 05:24:47 AM »
Thank you all.

It's hard because he still said he loved me and always will. That if we are meant to be we will be.

I would like to use loa to get him back.

True love means letting go if that is what the other person wants. True love means wanting what is in the best and highest good for that person. He may still love you on some level but not want to be with you. And you can still love him. But you don't have to be with him. There are different levels of love. Not all love is romantic love. I think you should be happy for him and move on.

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Offline Alexbally

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #16 on: January 22, 2018, 05:33:15 AM »
If 99 people told her "let him go" and 1 person said "carry on chasing him" she would carry on chasing him.

She's not ready to let go yet.

Offline JulieDB

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #17 on: January 22, 2018, 09:48:43 AM »
If 99 people told her "let him go" and 1 person said "carry on chasing him" she would carry on chasing him.

She's not ready to let go yet.

Seems that way. When a person is blinded by love, nothing will get through.

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Offline Coffee098

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #18 on: January 22, 2018, 11:07:15 PM »
I'm sorry  :(

Offline Coffee098

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #19 on: January 26, 2018, 02:23:57 AM »
Hi all

I feel the penny is finally dropping.

I am letting him and letting us go.

I feel like it has finished and I no longer feel a desire to make things work.

I think I am done. And each day I am more and more sure that this is it, and I'm more and more open to meeting someone much better than my ex. Something I know I deserve.

Thanks for all your support along the way.

Offline BabyCakes12345

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« Reply #20 on: January 26, 2018, 06:25:34 AM »
.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2018, 01:29:19 AM by BabyCakes12345 »

Online siamesegirl

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2018, 01:16:58 PM »
I am sorry it didn't work

Good luck dear

Maybe it did work. Maybe this guy is not in a place himself where he deserves her. Maybe he has a lot of growing - growing up, developmental work - himself. Without going back through all the previous posts it seemed he'd been acting like a prat. Maybe she would have been bored, irritated, annoyed with his behaviour, until he changed. Who knows? Maybe she deserves someone stronger, better than him. Just a few thoughts.

Online siamesegirl

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #22 on: January 26, 2018, 04:15:41 PM »
Thank you all.

It's hard because he still said he loved me and always will. That if we are meant to be we will be.

I would like to use loa to get him back.

True love means letting go if that is what the other person wants. True love means wanting what is in the best and highest good for that person. He may still love you on some level but not want to be with you. And you can still love him. But you don't have to be with him. There are different levels of love. Not all love is romantic love. I think you should be happy for him and move on.
Can you not be neutral about it and move on? Some people would struggle to be "happy" for someone in these circumstances. Doesn't mean you have to wail and weep or wish them ill, but "it's fabulous, my ex fiance has another girlfriend, whoopee!" is a bit of a tall order !!!
« Last Edit: January 26, 2018, 04:21:22 PM by siamesegirl »

Offline Alexbally

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #23 on: January 26, 2018, 05:03:28 PM »
"He" is not the problem here and he never was. He was not a prat.
He just reflected her beliefs and feelings all along.
Nothing positive at all would have happened whilst she was in the emotional state that she was.

Congratulations Coffee! Congratulations for getting your independence back, for getting your shit back together and for moving on from the emotional stress. You will get better.

Offline Coffee098

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating
« Reply #24 on: February 14, 2018, 04:21:51 AM »
Hi guys I Am back.
I decided to accept what was and let the situation be. It was not what I wanted but I felt I had done everything.

I still kept up with this forum and the LOA. At times when I missed him I decided to use RS. I visualised him telling me he chooses me over her.
Well... after hearing from him about another situation- he revealed she was just a friend and that he wasn't dating anybody!! (Why on earth he would tell me he was I do not know).
I do feel the LOA helped with this- he changed his own story from dating this girl to just being friends.

Let me know what you all think.

I will continue to visualise him telling me he chooses me.

He still feels he cannot be in a relationship with me because I say horrible things (he is over sensitive) so I will work on changing this. Please let me know advise on how.

Offline Coffee098

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating update
« Reply #25 on: February 14, 2018, 12:54:34 PM »
P.s I have let go of the outcome. If he doesn't come back I will be fine. It's more that I'd like to try this as a little challenge.

Offline Alexbally

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating update
« Reply #26 on: February 14, 2018, 04:30:30 PM »
You stop him from thinking horrible and silly things about you by you stopping doing horrible and silly things in front of him and to him! The evidence is always in your own actions Coffee, not what what you think he thinks!

There really is no him to change here, there is only you to change. Stop doing the things that pissed him off in the first place and you might just get a different result.

Offline Coffee098

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating update
« Reply #27 on: February 14, 2018, 09:31:53 PM »
ITs not that I actually say horrible things, he just takes them as horrible.
For example if ever I try to talk about something he has done to upset me he claims I have been
Horrible.  Once I said 'don't worry' to him when he couldn't reply to me and he took that as me being sarcastic and told me not to have a go at him.
 
I'm not horrible I promise.

Offline Alexbally

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating update
« Reply #28 on: February 14, 2018, 09:48:11 PM »
I do not think you're horrible Coffee, I think you're very sweet.

I keep on saying it but it always comes down to how people perceive things differently. By the way, I too would've taken your "don't worry" message as you being sarcastic initially but it's not a big deal.

I come across aggressive to some people just because I am blunt and get to the point but I am not aggressive....usually.

If you're aware about how he reacts to certain things then my advice is to consider how you do them again next time.

Another thing, his discontent at you communicating your upset to him is most likely causing him pain and touching on certain insecurities that he has and that's why he lashes out. So try and be a bit mindful on how you communicate this to him next time and see if you get a different result, should you have to this is.

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Offline Coffee098

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Re: Struggle to accept ex dating update
« Reply #29 on: February 14, 2018, 10:14:31 PM »
Thank you Alex. Appreciate the response.

I am really trying to be careful about the way I speak but thought LOA techniques may help also.

For example- would affirming something like "X and I get on very well and have forgiven each other" be a good affirmation?
I will continue to visualise him telling me he chooses me and maybe also telling me he forgives me and understands me/that he knows I don't have bad intentions.

Is there anything else I could do to help prove this to him? I'm excited to try to see what happens, and if nothing happens, that is okay.

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