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Author Topic: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?  (Read 2519 times)

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Online sunny27

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #120 on: August 13, 2017, 01:57:31 AM »
Tiger you said it all perfectly correct! inner beliefs, childhood circumstances, everything lives in us and unfortunately our insecurities come out do we want it or not...

Spot on! :)

Offline Tigerlilly

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #121 on: August 13, 2017, 03:49:34 AM »
Yeah, especially when relationships don't work out.
But we can change it :) I felt really good the last days, I can basically feel how much I already detached. I am so happy I found out about loa.

Online sunny27

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #122 on: August 13, 2017, 06:06:24 AM »
Great Tiger ! I envy you a bit because I am desperate that he has disappeared... :)

Offline Tigerlilly

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #123 on: August 14, 2017, 12:31:31 AM »
Well, he will come back, so what :D We can do this

Online sunny27

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #124 on: August 14, 2017, 03:52:14 AM »
I really hope we can.
Just arrived back after the project.. alone. Nobody asking if I arrived safe and it really does feel lonely and sad :( absolutely no messages still from him.
tomorrow moving to my new place, in the city to which I went partially because of him.. anyway. No choice as to make a new chapter of life..


Offline Alexbally

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #125 on: August 14, 2017, 04:52:40 AM »
Step away from the expectations sunny lol.
I know this is difficult because we place expectations on everything and everybody every day but the less you expect from this guy, the less it disappoints you.
Maybe your expectations of him need to be reconsidered and most likely reduced. No expectations would be awesome!

Offline Tigerlilly

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #126 on: August 14, 2017, 05:49:44 PM »
I need your helpful advice Alex :D
Well after I told him that I miss him, I made myself the promise to not text him anymore. The past days I felt really really happy and good and did my visualizations and everything, but had other things going on and didn't thought about him that much. Last night he texted me but I was asleep, I answered and in the morning I replied, he asked if everything is okay and what I am doing etc. I replied but didn't asked so much about him. And when he texts me I always ask myself why is he texting, I told him I miss him - does he now feel the need to text? Is he dating anyone? I don't want to think these thoughts, but they creep in when I'm in contact with him.. but I also don't want to be rude and don't reply because I agreed to stay in contact. I guess I should continue ignoring what is and focus on the endgoal and don't text him myself?
« Last Edit: August 14, 2017, 07:12:45 PM by Tigerlilly »

Offline Alexbally

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #127 on: August 14, 2017, 06:43:07 PM »
Hey Tiger
You have been doing so well so far, sunny too actually. It's been good to see that you have spent some time reading through the history on this forum to further help your education.

From a normal dating situation, my perspective is as follows:
Okay so you have communication from him...that's cool and it does not need to be over complicated in the slightest. It shows interest and attraction from his side which obviously is great but you need to capitalise on it rather than worry about it.
Do you remember what things were like when you 2 first met each other and we're spending time messaging and talking??? That's how this should really feel like again for you now. You should be excited that he wants to communicate with you.
But this is where you now start to tow the line with him and set your intentions and boundaries. The telephone really should just be used to set a date with someone to meet them in person, that's it. However I understand the situation here and therefore we also do not want to risk scaring him off.
So should he reach out to you and ask you how you are as an example, you simply answer his question in exactly the same way you would have done when you first ever met him. Like he is just another guy in a world full of millions of other guys. Be polite, fun, busy, mysterious...and all the other things that build attraction. Should he continue messaging and want to get into a conversation, this is where you turn it around and try to leverage an actual date because you are too busy to keep sending messages. But tread very gently here. Maybe state that you will be somewhere at a certain time and invite him to join you if he's free, something like that. That puts little pressure on him as opposed to just asking him out on a date.
Don't get all upset should he reject your invitation. Just brush it off and continue making yourself happy in your day and the present moment only and just know that he will contact you again anyway so it's not a big deal at all should he say no to meeting.

You will soon find out if he is willing to take the next step with you or if his motives are not so good and if he wants to just string you along for his own comfort. This would answer for you what his want or need to message you is.
You know Tiger that you have no right to question whether he is dating someone new now. You are not his girlfriend, mother or sister. That's freedom for you baby! The way to forget the question in your head is to simply not focus on it. You cannot and should not waste your time or energy on trying to work something out for yourself when you simply have zero info or facts.

Does this help for you??
Let me know if you have any questions  :D

Offline Tigerlilly

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #128 on: August 14, 2017, 07:10:55 PM »
Thank you! It does help me a lot.
Well I guess his intention is that he still likes me as a friend or someone he sometimes wants to ask, if everything is fine, because we agreed to this. I did what you said and was just polite and answered. Yeah, I agree with you that meeting would be better, but he's one of those  people who text 24/7. When we dated he texted me the whole day, since the first day we talked, when we didn't met, literally the whole day. So it's a good sign that he does this sometimes, because it shows interest. But I tryed to initiate meeting a few weeks ago and he was busy or didn't called when I asked him. I know what he's like and he also was this way sometimes when we dated or even with his friends, but I don't want to ask anymore because really, I tryed and there is this point where you just make a fool of yourself. 
So I feel like the contact we have now is okay, but it's not leading somewhere and that's why I feel I shouldn't do something myself and text him etc. because the way it ended, the universe should kick his butt, to do something when the time is ready :D
« Last Edit: August 14, 2017, 08:48:31 PM by Tigerlilly »

Offline Alexbally

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #129 on: August 14, 2017, 07:20:53 PM »
Hahaha I agree!

So you should not initiate conversation with him at this point, leave that to him. I would never suggest to ignore someone when they reach out, so you should reply to him in my opinion, but make it clear that you are now a busy person by ending the conversation in a polite manner.
You made the initial effort by asking to meet so it is now his turn to do it whether he likes it or not. Do not spend your life hiding behind a phone like he does. Encourage him to come out instead.

He is interested in you on a certain level obviously. It's up to you how to find out how much he is interested.
If it turns out that he's not interested in the way you want just now then just brush it off and carry on with what you were doing to make you feel good.
Just know that you do not have to chase him at all. He will contact you again, everything is alright and he will follow your lead or you will get tired of it all.

Offline Tigerlilly

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #130 on: August 14, 2017, 07:33:35 PM »
Yeah, he is interested, but his interest isn't on that: " I miss her, I don't want to lose her to another guy interest" level and that is what I wanted and what I want. I mean, he would have said I miss you too or something like that, when I texted him that I miss him. So I just continue doing what you said and leave him be :) and focus on myself until maybe something happens and the universe shows him what he lost on us hopefully haha and gives him the courage to do something then, because his self-esteem is not really the best
« Last Edit: August 14, 2017, 07:35:53 PM by Tigerlilly »

Offline Alexbally

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #131 on: August 14, 2017, 08:01:25 PM »
Just promise to yourself that you will not put your enjoyment, your happiness or your life on hold for this guy.
Do all of this for you and your experience.
Leave him to do things at his own pace.
You can continue to grow yourself and it's up to him if he wants to grow with you or not.

Also, you will reach a point where everything becomes oh so simple and so much clearer for you so always hold on to this fact as it's the light at the end of your tunnel.

Offline Tigerlilly

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #132 on: August 14, 2017, 08:12:59 PM »
I won't :)
But I am still so sure that we should be together, don't know why, it just feels right

Online sunny27

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #133 on: August 14, 2017, 10:15:19 PM »
i just moved to my new temporary appartement. all done by myself. I will study in the city where he lives and partially came here because of him but anyways. just packing out the bags, enjoying the appartement which is way better then all the previous student dormitories I used to live in. am worried about paying the rent because it's not a small one, however, I really do hope and am working for getting aside job. anyways. yesterday night and this morning was really sad, I felt really alone. no messages from anyone if I got home safe. ok. thought it will be better today. woke up with the same heavy feeling. he knows I am moving today but have not reached out to ask if everything's ok if he usually would do, as he is a kind person and loves to help people. two weeks ago I sent him this beautifully written letter where I expressed that it's hurting me that he does not want a relation with me, and that we could stay friends but not now, cause I need space and abilities to move on. after that came several messages , I shortly replied and at some point stopped replying. sure I can understand that he does not reach out to somebody who doesn't reply. but for me I thought No Contact is the only option how to give myself this space.. I am not sure about it anymore. cause I spend lots of time worrying what he is doing, why doesn't he reach out or have a little interest in me.. cause we were pretty close there. he helped me tremendously last year, and I him. :/
probably I am not even asking for advice, just feeling like getting it off my chest..
and I know well what I need to do. to enjoy this new chapter of life. to go out, meet new people ( I don't know anybody in the city yet). be happy about the moment. not worry about future. love. focus on the positive aspects, because there definitely are some. but somehow I have made him such a big part of my life, basically a central person to rely on, that now the emptiness feels mega big. ..

Offline Alexbally

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Re: Is it really possible to attrackt him back?
« Reply #134 on: August 15, 2017, 12:39:11 AM »
Sunny, read what you wrote again please.
I think you will then be as confused as I am at the minute. You cannot enter into no contact, especially tell the other person that you are going no contact with them so to heal, and then moan when he does not contact you.

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