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Author Topic: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?  (Read 959 times)

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Offline new_believer

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How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« on: May 21, 2018, 06:45:11 PM »
Hi everyone, I posted on this forum a few months ago wanting to get my ex back. After implementing LoA and visualization, she finally reached out after about a month. It went well for some time but it seems like a cycle as right now she has started bailing on me again. Our old issues are recurring and she is tired as am I. She told me that she no longer has the energy or time to keep fighting for the relationship and that she needs to find her own voice. She says I drain her emotionally and physically. She then broke up with me gain.

I find this cycle very strange and honestly, it hurts me because I feel like I am wasting time, mental, emotional and physical resources. I feel like she can't decide whether she wants to be with me or not and that is very frustrating to undergo all the time. I told her to make a decision about what she wants with me as I still love her and want to be with her. She is obsessed with leaving me to the point that I told her to listen to her gut feeling and if she wants out, she should leave.

I do not know what to do. She is constantly hot and cold and it is driving me insane. She told me that she needs time to figure out her feelings after which she would contact me after a month!! A whole month of N.C. I do not want to let go of this girl because I have a feeling that if I do, I may never want her in my life again whereas I strongly feel and think that she is in love with me but has commitment issues that she is yet to resolve.

What is the best course of action on this? NC? Moving on, letting go, leaving her?

« Last Edit: May 21, 2018, 07:11:35 PM by new_believer »

Offline Gember

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2018, 12:41:17 AM »
Just leave her be. You have no reason to doubt yourself, right? You are the boss of your own life, you are the creator. Just because she’s resisting now doesn’t mean she won’t be there eventually. Let her go and focus on other things (work? School? Friends?)
Best of luck to you!

Offline JulieDB

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2018, 11:18:32 AM »
You already know it's a cycle. When you attract back an ex, all you'll get is more of the same unless one or more likely both people change. No change? Same old, same old.

Remember, just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should!

Offline new_believer

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #3 on: May 24, 2018, 06:55:51 PM »
Just leave her be. You have no reason to doubt yourself, right? You are the boss of your own life, you are the creator. Just because she’s resisting now doesn’t mean she won’t be there eventually. Let her go and focus on other things (work? School? Friends?)
Best of luck to you!

Thank you Gember. You can't believe how hurtful this is. I have given it all I can and it still didn't work. I'm going to take your advice and focus on other things but it is incredibly hurtful and painful.

Offline new_believer

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #4 on: May 24, 2018, 07:13:41 PM »
You already know it's a cycle. When you attract back an ex, all you'll get is more of the same unless one or more likely both people change. No change? Same old, same old.

Remember, just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should!
Hi Julie, when she came back to me, I thought she was ready to work with me and take our relationship to the next level but she was just as confused as before, even more actually. She is not to blame for everything but there is just no fight in her anymore. I knew what I was getting myself into and all the risks involved. Keep in mind that there was a chance that it would have succeeded.

I agree with you though. No change = same old, same old. The only difference is that this time, we were actually making progress. Slow but sure progress. It wasn't fast enough for her.
« Last Edit: May 24, 2018, 07:37:20 PM by new_believer »

Offline Gember

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2018, 12:32:33 PM »
Just leave her be. You have no reason to doubt yourself, right? You are the boss of your own life, you are the creator. Just because she’s resisting now doesn’t mean she won’t be there eventually. Let her go and focus on other things (work? School? Friends?)
Best of luck to you!

Thank you Gember. You can't believe how hurtful this is. I have given it all I can and it still didn't work. I'm going to take your advice and focus on other things but it is incredibly hurtful and painful.
I know the feeling, i attracted my ex back, he told me literally everything I ever wanted to hear(You’re the only one for me, you’re the love of my life, etc.) and then 2 weeks later he just left me. But I gave it a few months, because I know we’re meant to be, and now we’re the happiest together. He had to prove himself to me, of course, that he’d changed and all. But now I finally feel confident emough to say I DID succeed in manifesting my ex back, and we are both happy and both putting effort into our relationship!!
Never lose hope! Even if you’re doubting yourself, hope will always be there for you!

Offline new_believer

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2018, 12:54:42 PM »

Quote
I know the feeling, i attracted my ex back, he told me literally everything I ever wanted to hear(You’re the only one for me, you’re the love of my life, etc.) and then 2 weeks later he just left me. But I gave it a few months, because I know we’re meant to be, and now we’re the happiest together. He had to prove himself to me, of course, that he’d changed and all. But now I finally feel confident emough to say I DID succeed in manifesting my ex back, and we are both happy and both putting effort into our relationship!!
Never lose hope! Even if you’re doubting yourself, hope will always be there for you!
Gember, I know we're meant to be. I have hope that we are. I'm not expecting anything forthcoming from her in terms of commitment but I know she will realize how much I mean to her when i disappear from her life for a while. She will have to prove herself to me as well. Congratulations to you and now current. I'm happy
that you're boh putting in effort in the relationship. I wish you guys all the best. How many months did it take for him to reach out to you?

Offline Gember

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2018, 08:27:29 PM »

Quote
Gember, I know we're meant to be. I have hope that we are. I'm not expecting anything forthcoming from her in terms of commitment but I know she will realize how much I mean to her when i disappear from her life for a while. She will have to prove herself to me as well. Congratulations to you and now current. I'm happy
that you're boh putting in effort in the relationship. I wish you guys all the best. How many months did it take for him to reach out to you?

About two months, it wasn’t hard for me because I know my value and I know I’m a good partner and a truly happy and smart person. It may sound cocky, lol, but it is true and I’m conpletely happy just being me. I’d accepted taht we maybe wouldn’t be more than friends when he reached out to me.

Offline new_believer

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2018, 03:07:58 PM »
About two months, it wasn’t hard for me because I know my value and I know I’m a good partner and a truly happy and smart person. It may sound cocky, lol, but it is true and I’m conpletely happy just being me. I’d accepted taht we maybe wouldn’t be more than friends when he reached out to me.

Wow, I like your self confidence. It really is up there. Keep it that way. It's a good thing, believe me. I guess the problem in this case could also be me. I've given her too much power over me. I hope we can work things out. If not, well, life goes on and time will heal.

Offline Gember

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2018, 01:13:02 AM »
About two months, it wasn’t hard for me because I know my value and I know I’m a good partner and a truly happy and smart person. It may sound cocky, lol, but it is true and I’m conpletely happy just being me. I’d accepted taht we maybe wouldn’t be more than friends when he reached out to me.

Wow, I like your self confidence. It really is up there. Keep it that way. It's a good thing, believe me. I guess the problem in this case could also be me. I've given her too much power over me. I hope we can work things out. If not, well, life goes on and time will heal.

Yes! Exactly! To be honest, she’s probably the only one missing out in this situation. If she doesn’t appreciate you and all the love you have to offer, she’ll have a hard time finding a confident partner who accepts being treated like nothing!

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Offline new_believer

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2018, 02:23:08 PM »

Quote
Yes! Exactly! To be honest, she’s probably the only one missing out in this situation. If she doesn’t appreciate you and all the love you have to offer, she’ll have a hard time finding a confident partner who accepts being treated like nothing!

Preach Gember! She has not stopped contacting me  over the last week or so. The moment I stop thinking about her is when she suddenly shows up in my life.

Offline AngelusofftheSea

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #11 on: July 16, 2018, 05:12:22 AM »
You alone are creating the situation as you are confused, hurt, and vacillating with your energy, that is what you are putting out and she is picking up. If she is not with anyone and neither are you, not that matters but no complications, if you want her back and a new relationship. Do the inner work, see what went wrong, what you did to add to it. How you want to change, and visualize a new realtionship with both you loving, caring, having fun and leading to a good life. then see end result. This time see it and have faith no doubts, no vacillating, no putting her down in your thoughts or yourself.

If not then move on and let her as well.

Many times they come back when we give up as we no longer have resistance and are not 'pushing ' them mentally where they put up a shield to resist. Whenever you feel true love for someone and unconditional you don't push them, hurt them or demand. People can feel that. When you get to the point to love her either way, no longer vacillate and see the end result with no doubts she will come back. If you see problems, hate, lack of respect or no change that is what you will get. If you feel you truly can't believe or do that, than move on and find new and let her.

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Offline key9916

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2018, 04:25:29 PM »
About two months, it wasn’t hard for me because I know my value and I know I’m a good partner and a truly happy and smart person. It may sound cocky, lol, but it is true and I’m conpletely happy just being me. I’d accepted taht we maybe wouldn’t be more than friends when he reached out to me.

Wow, I like your self confidence. It really is up there. Keep it that way. It's a good thing, believe me. I guess the problem in this case could also be me. I've given her too much power over me. I hope we can work things out. If not, well, life goes on and time will heal.


Like u said you have given her power over you and she is feeding on that power, she's not sad, u r sad. Now show your power take back your power. Be in a position where even she finds a new guy, you won't be bothered.

Offline Desideratum

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #13 on: July 17, 2018, 05:22:34 AM »
Success came to me when I got over the real heavy doubts and fears. Even contact from the person I wanted to be with led to my stomach going in knots and me having one doubt or fear after the other. No WAY that's likely to work out. Over time I just got over all that crap. I got to the point where I wanted freedom MORE than her. I was willing to let her go, forgiven and mostly forgotten, forever, if that's what the cost of my personal freedom was. The miracle came when I actually FELT that freedom.

I reached the point where I was ok if she was with someone else ... maybe didn't want to hear all the details, but figured, she's their problem now. I forgave everything, wasn't entirely over some areas I was angry about, but 90% so. I could walk away. I could indulge in visualizations, RI, whatever, as an experiment, and not have it linger in the form of lack in any way. I let go knowing that my deepest desires were already real and created, all that was needed was for me to transport into that timeline. If thoughts arose, I let them go knowing I was destined to move a LITTLE closer to something great.  When I thought of various scenarios, like being with her, or being with someone else that I could really love, I projected loving, positive energy toward that scenario and move on.

LOA is VERY REAL. Looking back I can see how my thoughts reflected my reality perfectly. Fear is one of the big ones. It has lots of energy and can hold back years of sincere, arduous visualization, affirmation, etc.

You have to watch your thoughts. If you're in that desperate place, mission one is to get out of it. Then go to the next step when your mind and emotions are back under your control (for the purposes of LOA, of course).

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Offline new_believer

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Re: How do I end the cycle? How do I make her stay?
« Reply #14 on: August 08, 2018, 05:30:04 PM »
Like u said you have given her power over you and she is feeding on that power, she's not sad, u r sad. Now show your power take back your power. Be in a position where even she finds a new guy, you won't be bothered.

Word Key9916. I am getting there.

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