why did you change your name?
Because it was time to change it.
I was becoming increasingly sad, irritable and obsessive. Knowing my last day with him was coming (and came) on June 20th i decided since he made no attempt to say good-bye to me KNOWING he would never see me again..IT WAS TIME to move on..and ahead
I gave him a beautiful card, poured out my guts, told him how i felt...let him know that for all these years i had hoped and wanted something to happen between us and also left him my email and cell phone number AGAIN..last time i offered him my cell phone number in person his hands were shaking LITERALLY..and he was such a nervous mess for the next day or two as well!!!!! Craaaaazy stuff! He's 41 years old by the way
I also asked (in the card) if he would like to give me his contact info; email, cell phone, etc. thought maybe he would like to 'text me over the summer...to keep in touch'' and......nothing!!! I did that a week before my last day.
So for 2 days after i gave him the card (with home made chocolate chip cookies) he would jump out of his skin when he saw me..literally jump a mile, and would be a nervous mess when walking by me to leave the room every time he saw me...he is what i would call LOVE SHY and really has a bad case of anxiety where i am concerned and this made it worse apparently....he was the most anxious i have ever seen him!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then the last 2 days of school he seemed better, he was calmer, not as nervous or anxious but still made no attempt to even talk to me...he would just say hi bashfully if he saw me, put his head down and then would quickly walk away!!!!!
Right before i left on the last day i was in the cafe saying goodbye to some of my kindergarteners who were having a little end of the year celebration and he just starrrrred at me from across the room...and said NOTHING!
He heard me say good bye to the kids, heard the kids say how much they would miss me this summer, i said i would visit them during Camp and then i walked away and to my classroom to grab my stuff and he just stood there watching me the entire time....with no expression....just stared at me walk away!!!!!! I could feel his eyes on me!
I do have the opportunity to go visit in the summer since i am not working, all the staff asked me to please come by the school (summer camp) one day during the summer, i said i would for a quick hello...but not for a while, maybe towards the end in August, i need to separate from tehm, the school, everything........to detach a bit from the situation before going back for a visit.
My new focus now is on finding a new job by Sept. 2012!!!! I am not going to get any help from my Principal..she LIED TO ME apparently.
On the last day of school i brought her a bouquet of flowers in a vase, and she told me she hadn't started interviewing for the new positions yet..i did not ask her, she volunteered the info..she said she wanted to wait until school was over before doing that..i just smiled..even with a knot in the pit of my stomach because i knew she would NOT give me one of those positions that i want SO BADLY!!!!
The reason i felt this way......well, i called the Board of Education to see if they needed any other paper work or reference letters to possibly better my chances THREE DAYS EARLIER before i gave her the flowers and they told me she already started interviewing and even gave away one of the positions!!!!!!!!!!!
That broke my heart...and my spirit
I went from being SO SURE she would give me one BECAUSE SHE ASKED FOR MY CONTACT INFO AND SPOKE TO ME SO ENTHUSIASTICALLY AND SWEETLY ABOUT IT when i asked her....to wanting to cry when i left her fofice on the last day...she lied to my face!!!!! How did this happen?
I was so sure she would offer one of the positions to me
So now my new focus is on a new job and moving forward in all areas of my Life...this has been very difficult since school lt out Wednesday----i think i was in shock on the last day DID NOT GO THE WAY I HAD PLANNED AT ALL and then moved QUICKLY into sorrow these last few days.
I am writing in my Gratitude Journal daily and trying to stay as busy as possible until i get that great job offer i know is on the way, i just need to be patient..and wait for a vacancy at exactly the right time.
I have done everything i can to get where i want to be job wise. I have applied to half a dozen towns and school districts. I have done my part. So, now its all up to God
Any advice would be wonderful.
God Bless!
