Author Topic: Can't stop attracting negative and mean people...help!! :( (Read 6609 times)

truelove · « **Reply #30 on:** March 17, 2012, 07:12:08 AM »

Gogetter, you can't expect things to change overnight!!!!! There are some deep seated issues at play here.. you haven't changed yourself yet (meaning your perceptions and your limiting beliefs), so how can you expect the world to change overnight???

Don't get me wrong, it can change overnight, but not before you change your perceptions of it..

Now I know you want me to address what has been done to you agree agree with you that it's all awful and you don't deserve it.. ok, yes it is awful, but I think you can't complain about people for years and have them like you.. any complaint about someone else will come back to you so you have created a cycle of you complaining about them and them complaining about you.. you need to stop it now.

Let's get to the real issue.. all relationships start with the parents..
"Oh and my day started off with my parents putting me down for an hour in front of the kids, going over all the things I never achieved all the things I can't do, am no good at, all my rotten qualities, on and on..."
Have they always done this??? If so you would have amassed some pretty low self esteem and low self worth. Even if you are putting on a smile and being nice to people your vibration is attracting people and situations that resonate with your sub conscious beliefs.. so this is the very first thing you need to get honest about.. Don't look out side of yourself, there is some serious work to be done here... You need to go through some steps- of acknowledging whats happening, releasing it and forgiving your parents and yourself for what has happened.
I know there are others on this forum who can suggest techniques for releasing limiting beliefs and patterns, I haven't used them so I can't talk form experience so if someone else could chime in here with advice, that would be great...

Vicki Christina · « **Reply #31 on:** March 17, 2012, 07:31:51 AM »

Some of the methods to explore which are used often to work on limiting beliefs are The Sedona Method, tapping as in the web site - The Tapping Solution, Hoponopono, and a newer method out just a few years is The Healing Codes. Everyone has differing reactions to the various methods, and we find by trial and error which resonates with us personally the best. All are available for searches in Google!

Gogetter, you may find one of these methods of study agrees with you. I have read and used Hoponopono and The Healing Codes quite a bit. Be patient, real change can take some time and work! Best to you and hugs too. VC

ItsMe · « **Reply #32 on:** March 18, 2012, 04:47:22 AM »

Quote from: Stefzilla on March 16, 2012, 04:45:32 AM

I just want to throw my 2 cents in here. Why do you care what those random people think? Your kids are acting up, so what , that’s not their problem or issue. Also if someone comes and says something that hurts you then say something back, LOA is not about being a walking punching bag for people to look down on and for you to always turn the other cheek.

I only say that because I did the same thing as you. I worked in upper management with a place of over 3000 employees. People use to come in every day and shit on me , like treat me like trash, and all I did was take it and smile. I never said anything , and I would always say to myself if I am kind and nice they will eventually get the picture and be nice to me. Guess what it never happened, because they just saw that as a green light to continue. So I said screw it and I talked back, and trust me things turned around big time.

Change your affirmations to “ I respect myself and expect people to respect me in return”. You take the power away from other people. You stop depending on their limited opinions of you, and you don’t let them effect you.

the talking back didnt work out for me I tried it

gogetter · « **Reply #33 on:** March 21, 2012, 08:24:17 AM »

Hi everyone

I am really, really low tonight. I am trying really hard to find some self-love and shed all my inner limiting negative beliefs...I am doing many of the suggested exercises and techniques. But I am faced daily with an onslaught of put-downs, insults and cruelty from my parents. They are both really nasty to me and when I say why do you have to be so nasty they will say because we are stuck living with YOU. or we HATE you. All we care about is the children, we don't care about you. You are a problem and you always have been, all you have ever done is bleed us dry for money, and all you do is take what you want and to hell with us and you just make problems with everyone and you have never amounted to anything and now we have to spend our remaining years protecting your kids and looking out for them because of your incompetence and all you do is ruin their lives and our lives and on and on.
We hate living in a rat house, a rotten slob pile but we have to think about the kids. They tell me all the time I don't look after them or feed them and they will stand over me and demand I list off what I fed them. I am in my 40's and this is not FAIR. I tell them but I have looked after you for all these years and done my best and they tell me they have looked after me and i would be nowhere and nothing without them.

you get the picture. there is so much more but even typing out their words brings tears to my eyes. I try and defend myself and my mother mocks me and tells me to shut my goddamn trap. or my father tells me to stop pretending to be so lovely and of course i have all the services and support people twisted round my fingers because i am such a good liar and no one believes silly old people.

I am NOT what they say but yet somehow inside of myself i must believe it. i can't fight against it because it hurts me on a level i can't even explain. they were loving to me my whole life or were they? maybe i am just blocking out stuff because i think i actually do remember many incidents of this sort of thing but I only focus on the good things and the moments of love and never the moments where i was put down or shamed.

I am so screwed up and I don't know how to fix this.
I have some oxycontin for my back and I took way too many to get high and escape over the past few years but for the last few months i have been trying so hard to eat healthy and be strong but i can't stop gaining weight and now things have been so horrible the last few days i am taking the oxy again, not too many, just enough to get high and stop feeling so bad.

please someone, please help me, i just dont know how to fix my inner issues that cause all the neg people to react so strongly and meanly to me...i dont know how to make it all better when i am hit with all this cruelty and put downs from the people i love the most but cant get to love me back and maybe they never did...

how can i fix when the small repairs are constantly being torn apart??

truelove · « **Reply #34 on:** March 21, 2012, 01:48:24 PM »

Ok my darlin, I really, really feel you need to get some help. I highly recommend going to see a therapist to help you work out you limiting beliefs and help you stand up to your parents and others in your life..
It is hard for us to know your real situation, we are hearing from your perspective that all of these people are attacking you and none of it is through fault of your own, if this is the case you need help to release your negative patterns.
But you must be truthful with yourself.. are any of these accusations true? If so what can you do now to turn your life around what thoughts deeds and actions can you take to start making your life better today??

Let's be proactive about this, life wont change unless you change it!!!

We are here to help you, but you must help yourself and that starts with being truthful to yourself and others in order to move on.

Ginny · « **Reply #35 on:** March 21, 2012, 02:07:42 PM »

I wish I knew something useful to say that would help... but I think, as truelove has sort of indirectly indicated, it looks like you have a lot of issues to deal with, and it's very difficult to help with this many issues if your only contact with someone is through an internet message board. I have a few suggestions, but I feel like anything I say, you'll just come back and tell me it is impossible for whatever reason - so I think you need to find someone who you can discuss these issues with face to face and in real time. And you have to be open to changing your perceptions - particularly with respect to your helplessness. You are not helpless, but I do not know the best way to get you to see your power right now.

I wish you all the best. I hope you are able to get some good practical advice that you are able to use very soon.

Ginny · « **Reply #36 on:** March 21, 2012, 02:17:23 PM »

ps - one thing just occurred to me - no idea if this will help, but worth a stab.

I think I used to be a bit like you. I grew up in a poisonous environment (alcoholic abusive mother, always telling me I was worthless and she hated me and wished I'd never been born, yadda yadda yadda) and for a long time felt persecuted by nearly everyone, as if no one understood or was willing to help. The first step that changed things for me - well, it was an incredibly powerful experience and I don't know how you could replicate it in your particular situation (it basically involved someone making me so angry that I let down my defenses for the first time in my life and allowed myself to see the truth) - but the upshot was, I had a mind-changing experience that enabled me to stop blaming myself.

I wonder if this is the problem for you too? I wonder if, on some level that you aren't even aware of, you are blaming yourself and finding yourself unworthy in a lot of areas? But you don't want to look at it, because then it just makes you angry with yourself. So instead you shift this on to other people, and perceive them as attacking you, so that you don't have to look at the fact that you are attacking yourself.

Apologies if this is way off the mark - I only suggest it because this is exactly the way it was for me. I really didn't like myself very much, and thought I was a bad person in a lot of ways, and blamed myself for all the crappy stuff I went through in my childhood. And then, when I was able to change my perception, to see that I didn't deserve the blame for things that happened when I was a child, I was then able to relax, and stop perceiving everyone else as attacking me. It wasn't a complete transformation, but it was huge. And I've been getting better and better ever since that time (about 15 years ago now).

ps - people do sometimes attack, it's a fact. I think the issue here is the extent to which you take these things personally, and perhaps also if you sometimes blow them out of proportion. I was thinking about you the other day, and decided to try to put myself in your position. I found that it was very easy to attract negative rude behaviour from strangers, if I just looked out for it. And the crappier you feel, the more these "attacks" will affect you, so you need to find a way of developing your inner resilience so that these things don't affect you so much, and you don't feel the need to inflate them.

gogetter · « **Reply #37 on:** March 21, 2012, 11:46:10 PM »

I just want it to be really clear that I am none of the horrible things my parents say and I know I'm not. But it still is a hard hit to the self esteem and self belief when these things are thrown at you every day by the people you love most.
Also every single incident I told about on here about people being mean to me and negative and CRUEL is not in my head nor is it anything I brought on. How is it anything to do with me when a bus driver yells at me or my kids? how is it anything to do with me when someone insults me and it is not just my perception, other people can clearly see i am being insulted, i have asked others and others have even witnessed.
so please please stop saying i am perceiving others as attacking me, it is NOT perception, it is FACT.

Have started off another day with my parents putting me down and demanding their money back and accusing me of stealing it but the reality is that i use money from their savings to pay for stuff we need...and they are AWARE of this and they can't manage their own accounts or deal with any of it so i do it but now and any time they get into this mode, they accuse me of stealing and want their money back and on and on and how they will report me and get my kids taken...horrible things!!!

AND NONE OF IT IS TRUE!!! I THOUGHT I WAS COMING SOMEWHERE WHERE PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY BELIEVE ME AND BE ON MY SIDE!!!

JustForToday · « **Reply #38 on:** March 22, 2012, 12:01:28 AM »

gogetter,

how about- we stop this topic now, cause its not helping in any way for now and you start being a regular member on here- meaning....
you need to concentrate on good things now, also here. come and post in our gratitude topic, help others if you have an advice, feel with others, support others, share your love and feelings. browse this forum and take what you read with you.
loa is in action and you can change your life too!!!
get positive!!! you need to.... really and this is the best place where you can grow and learn and leave this bs behind you.

i am not going into your problems in this topic.
come out of your shelf, be a part of this group and things will change, one after one.
we shouldnt concentrate on this problem anymore. it will only attract more negative things for you.

put it at side, i know its hard, but try it. come here and swift your thoughts into another direction, right now!

we are here

Vicki Christina · « **Reply #39 on:** March 22, 2012, 12:05:01 AM »

Yes! Begin the shift here! Give encouragement to other people. That is a quick way to change your mind set!

MikeG · « **Reply #40 on:** March 22, 2012, 12:40:04 AM »

Gogetter, if you aren't feeling positive by talking about your problem and listening to our solutions, then stop. Give yourself a little time to think. Go do something you like. Whether it's reading, jogging or something artistic. Seriously make yourself happy! I don't care how you do it, just do it. I'm going to give you a list:

Jogging
Reading
Painting
Singing
Listening to music
Watch your favorite show on TV
Watch a documentary on a topic you like
Go out for a walk
Meditate
Go workout
Go call your friends and talk
Plan something with your friends
Buy yourself something that will make you feel special
Treat yourself to a nice dinner
Play a game of Solitaire
Go post on the forums and help others
Make a list of the good things in your life
Write a story
Write a poem
Go get a haircut
Go to a mall and browse for something you like
Get work done
Pay your bills beforehand
Take a long shower / bath
Drink a cup of tea

Pick the ones you like most and just do it. You'll feel much better: I promise.

Shrikanya · « **Reply #41 on:** March 22, 2012, 01:17:23 AM »

Hi gogetter,

I think I get your problem to some extent.

Let me ask you. Is your house messy? Does it look like it needs a bit of cleaning? If yes, do it now. Get rid of all the unwanted stuff and make place for good things in life. Cleaning house will clean your mind. Get your children to help you if possible.

Are your parents quarreling with you? Give them a reality bite. Tell them the truth. You will face your worst enemy.

How do you perceive yourself when you see yourself in the mirror? Do you feel confident? Under-confident?What do you feel? Do you feel pity? Disgusting? Do your looks need improvements? Then you face yourself. Do the necessary.

When you meet people , what do you think? Are you shy talking to them? Are you afraid of them? Are you trying to make sure that they don't start arguing? Are you scared of them? Then go and face your worst fear. Hit fear on its face. Next time the driver gets back to you, make sure to give him a mindful. He will definitely think about it twice.

You need to heal. Stop running away from yourself. I know it is difficult to face the truth. But you have to do it alone. No amount of our advice is going to help you unless and until you take a firm decision to improve your life and get all the help from people and friends. Be grateful for the smallest thing.

It will take time but the impact would be substantial. We all have been dealing with our internal demons. But to tell you the truth, there is no messiah out there who is going to come and save you. The truth is simple. No one is coming. We have been forced from time to time to face our demons and luckily, we all won.

We want to see you win as well. Therefore, face the truth first and the rest of the things will fall into place.

All the best!!

gogetter · « **Reply #42 on:** March 22, 2012, 01:24:56 AM »

I have tried all of the things on that list and I do daily mantras and other exercises but no one seems willing to answer my question of: how can any of this help when everytime i try and make things better, i just get sent back to square one again by the cruelty i keep enduring from my loved ones?

and it would be nice to have the things I am telling you ARE happening to be believed and they are NOT MY FAULT and not just my perception.

and now it seems like you are saying even coming and posting here is CONDITIONAL. just like all the mean and nasty charities that helped me, which was not even real help because their help came with CONDITIONS!

how can i fix this by sweeping it all under the table and just la la la la no more of gogetters topic no one wants to hear your griping or your problems. for some reason you all seem to think i won't take advice or won't try and move on but i have taken the advice i have tried everything but i continue to be bashed here every day and no matter how much positive words i speak or recite or use hoponono or other techniques, the people in my community are still mean to me and nothing works!!!

i want to feel HEARD and understood not told that's enough now, no more topic now....

and just because right now i am focused on ME and not giving encouragement to others on HERE should not exclude me from being helped!! right now all ican do is focus on me and i am reaching out for help! i give all the time in kindness and i am sure i stated that already, i write thank you cards, bake cookies for the new neighbours, give to cancer charity and other types, tell people i appreciate them, all sorts of stuff!
but now i am being penalized for not giving encouragement here or coming here more often??
i came here and have come here to be helped myself. why is something wrong with that??
why are you laying conditions on me?
how is that kind???

i think maybe no one here HEARS me or understands any of what i am going through. i just want people to listen and to care and to not give me conditions on their care! i am sick of that! SICK!!!

Shrikanya · « **Reply #43 on:** March 22, 2012, 01:34:17 AM »

Hi gogetters,

Good that you are letting yourself out. No problem that you cannot help anybody out here. You can only help others only if you yourself have solved all your problems. We are here only to tell you that YOU CAN solve your problem.

Think for a moment that you are someone like me, or crazysoul, or Ginny, or someone else. Put yourself into our shoes for sometime and then see your post and find out what you feel. LOA is all about feeling and energy.

Be true to yourself and write it down.Please, no one is blaming you. We all have gone through this stage at some point of time and we all have overcome it. If we could do that, so can you. We are just helping you to find that wonderful person within you.

gogetter · « **Reply #44 on:** March 22, 2012, 01:37:51 AM »

Shrikanya...your post appeared while i was writing the last one. yes my house is messy. i can't keep up and have no will to. when i do make it all look nice and tidy my parents say wow thats a first or its about time but it will never last or you must have made the kids do it because you sure dont clean up. either that or they dont even notice. or they will smugly say good you finally are behaving yourself and doing what you are told! (remember in my 40s here!!! behaving myself???)
so i honestly have lost the will to clean up. i dig clean clothes out of the mountains of clean laundry all over the bedroom floors. i wash dishes when we need to use one otherwise they lay all over the counters. i spend most of the day staring at the tv or the net and dont even bother showering unless i have to go out. i feed and wash the kids but cant even bother to do homeschool lessons with them any more because even when we were on a schedule my parents told me the kids were not learning and i wasnt doing anything with them and i dont know how to teach them and i am denying my poor kids an education, so since they say that even when i work hard to teach them i just dont bother any more. same with the clean up.
the mess is so overwheleming i dont even know where to begin, it has gotten beyond my control or will.
trying to get the kids to clean anything is a big fight and they get rude and i end up punishing them and putting them to bed then my parents come and yell at me for being mean to the kids and tell me all i do is make problems and have no idea how to look after these kids, on and on and on.
when i look in the mirror i am sad because i dont feel pretty any more i dont feel like i have any spark i feel useless i feel old i feel stupid i feel like i have amounted to nothing in my life. when i watch tv and see other people my age being interviewed or making achievements i wonder why not me? why couldnt i? prob because my whole life and even still, my parents told me i couldnt. i told them i wanted to move to greece when they said i couldnt manage without them now and i said i could go to greece and run a little hostel on a beach and they laugh at me and tell me i have a screw loose and never ever could i do somethng like that and the only reason i ever got to go to europe and travel before was becuz i had my husband but look how to drove him away, he cant stand you either. i said but he was abusive and they say you made him that way.
it doesnt stop, it never stops.